dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
