Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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