in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
