Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
