think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
