It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
