Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize