are you so shy because you have an std?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
