so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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