To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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