sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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