When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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