You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
