How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
