he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
