She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
