Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
