You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
