I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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