yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
