I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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