You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
