i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
