Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am one with the molecules
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