Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
