He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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