I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Umm I'm too high to move.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
