its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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