well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize