i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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