that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
