did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
