First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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