Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
