He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
