The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
