i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
