dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
