im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
