He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
