if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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