Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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