Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He better not be in your backpack
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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