i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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