Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
