So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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