im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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