the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
