My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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