Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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