Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
