Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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