Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
