he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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