the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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