it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
