I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
