nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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