the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
