Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
