Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
