One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
