She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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