In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
