she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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