I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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